If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
