I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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