Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
