you would pick up someone in the library
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
