I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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