I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
