He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
