its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
