u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's never too late to be topless.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
