I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
