I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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