i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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