he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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