Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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