the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
