it wasn't lemon gatorade
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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