im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
