ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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