Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
