Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
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Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize