I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
