it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
