you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
