I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
