Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
