You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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