and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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