She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
