he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
