Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
