My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize