xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
