actually, I'm a sock model
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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