It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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