Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
