he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
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I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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