If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
whose parrot is this?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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