So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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