I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
