Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
