btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
