Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
