Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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