I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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