so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!