You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.