I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart