Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
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How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.