I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.