And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
