Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Don't make out with my wife yet
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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