Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize