I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
