Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
