It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
