giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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