worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
