You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
