This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
