I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
