can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
