Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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