Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
