she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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