I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
